i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
