mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i've created a new STD.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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