no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
