Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
