so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize