I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
