I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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