Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
