Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
