Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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