I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we're so committed to being not committed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
