if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
