Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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