# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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