Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
