wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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