I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
