watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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