I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
