We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
