he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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