He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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