wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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