Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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