Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
