p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
