Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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