FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
