brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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