Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
