you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
