your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you didnt know i had herpes?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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