I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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