I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
MIDGETS
????
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
