do herpes really smell.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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