i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
