Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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