Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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