You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
