She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
