Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
