Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
