Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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