dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
