I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
