When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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