He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
