Her vagina should come with caution tape.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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