nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
