Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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