It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
