Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
