i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
