apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
