foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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