You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
