I cockslap morals
ugly people sure do ruin things
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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