If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
