Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
