I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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