my sisters under your porch take her home
please come you make the beer taste better
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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