she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
