Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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