turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
