it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
