Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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