did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
