I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
