If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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