THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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