Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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