Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
