It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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