Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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