he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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