She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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