ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
