At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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