Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
