and you said cock pushups were impossible
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
