When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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