why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she peed on how many people?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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