I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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