i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
