oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
