I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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